The reason I disappeared for two months – early midlife crisis?
Good afternoon lovelies ♥ It has been way too long since I last posted and I am sorry that I kinda just dropped off the face of the earth for a while.
I honestly never meant to take such a long break, I only intended to take some time off between Christmas and New Years Eve and then get back to business, but I found myself in a pretty bad place during the Christmas holidays. I really started to question everything in my life and came to the conclusion that I needed to take a break from the blog and social media in order to figure everything out.
I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but I honestly truly felt like I was going trough some kind of early midlife crisis and to makes matters worse seasonal depression always hits me HARD around January, so I was in a pretty dark place.
I started questioning everything, my job and businesses – do I even enjoy it anymore? Is is worth it? Am I ever truly going to make it? My personal life – I will be turning 30 this year, I am still single, almost all my friends are having babies and starting this new chapter in their life and I sometimes worry where I will fit in all of it. I am finding myself in a situation where I am almost worse off financially than when I was a student – sometimes it sucks running your own business and being so dependent on others for freelance jobs, orders, sponsorships and such things that you can’t really control.
I haven’t been making enough to make ends meet lately and I have completely drained my savings, so that was definitely a huge stressfactor. I am used to getting by on a really tight budget, but I was completely panicking when NYE came around and I hadn’t booked anything for January or February, so I started looking for random parttime jobs to supplement my income (many of you have asked how it is that I actually make a living, I have written all about that here), but thankfully I managed to turn it around in the first week of January by booking quite a few freelance jobs + a new brand collaboration as well, so I decided to put off the job search for the time being.
I know I am probably just rambling a bit right now and some will probably think that I am being a bit too honest about my financial situation, but I think it is important to share the not so wonderful sides of being self-employed as well. It can truly be such a struggle at times and it is so stressful to not have the financial security that comes with a regular stable job.
So yeah, I decided to take some time off from posting in January and February in order to focus on making as much money as possible from freelance jobs and side hustles, so I wouldn’t have to stress as much about my financials. Feeling a little less stressed about money was just what I needed in order to achieve just enough peace of mind to be able to try and figure out what I want to do moving forward.
Do I want to continue being self-employed and keep trying to grow my businesses? I honestly considered giving it all up and just get a regular 9-5 job that would offer me more financial stability + I even thought about going back to Uni to finish my law degree, but taking some time away from everything made me realize just how much I love and appreciate doing what I do and I am not ready to give it up just yet.
I am so proud of everything that I have achieved and my business that I have pretty much built from nothing, so I want to give it another shot and I want to keep fighting for it. I have to be realistic though, I am struggling financially, so either I really have to get my hustle on and somehow try to make ends meet while solely focusing on my own business and continuing doing what I do (I have so many new and exciting business ideas, taking some time off really was a blessing) OR I will have to get a part time job on the side as well to help supplement my income.
Getting a part time job means that I would not have to constantly stress about my finances, which is a big big plus, but it would also take a lot of time away from my own businesses, which could make it quite hard for me to really get them to grow to the level I am hoping for. I honestly don’t know what I am going to do, but I know that I will have to figure it out quick because the stress is starting to take a toll on me.
Phew, okay that was a lot! If you are still here, then THANK YOU for listening to my rambling – if you have any thoughts or advice on what you think I should do, then I would love to hear it, I am definitely struggling a bit with this whole situation ♥